Think it over..
“No party is any fun unless
Seasoned with follyâ€
(Me: that of course goes without saying: no masti means no maza, either, in a party, but it could lead to brawls, too, among themselves or outsiders).
Mindcbow
“It is an unfortunate fact that we can secure peace only by preparing for warâ€
(Me: It is also a fact that the worst affected â€" or the victims - “in the preparation for war†due to the constant paranoia about a possible attack from a neighbor are the poorest countries in Asia (e.g. India, Pakistan) and Africa: the trillions of dollars that could be used in poverty alleviating measures are diverted to buying military hardware and maintaining a well-oiled war machine. It doesn’t speak very highly of the intellectual calibre of the people and politicians in these third world countries. The nations in Europe and North America are practically borderless with no fear of attack from a neighbor.)
PJ:
“If you feet smell and your nose runs,
You’re built upside downâ€.
(Me: which is practically everybody some time or d other, hai na?)
A man finds a cell phone,
Walks over to a meteorologist and says
“Sir I think this is yoursâ€.
Meteorologist, “Why do you think soâ€
Man: “Well it says 20 missed calls!.
(Me: Why only 20 missed calls? Our Met Dept seldom gets it right; worse: when it forecasts it would rain, it doesn’t, and vice versa)
The collective noun for goldfish is troubling..
Line Maro
I just had to come talk with you.
Sweetness is my weakness.
(Me: Stay clear, the guy could have a particularly dangerous appetite for a certain part of ur anatomy…)
Weird world…
Man charged for using fake $1 million bill..
In Washington, a man was arrested for trying to use a fake %1 million bill at Walmart. A Michael Fuller picked up a vacuum cleaner, microwave oven and other merchandise worth $476. He gave the cashier the phony bill, saying it was real. Staff called police and Fuller was arrested.
(Me: Must be quite a dumb thief coz $1 million bill doesn’t exist, even if it did, presenting such a huge bill for a minor transaction would hv raised the cashier’s suspicion)
Mindchow
“The trouble with life is
There’s no background musicâ€
(Me: 4 once, I agree 100% coz. it’s the background score that makes u sit through even an excruciatingly boring movie)
In any moment of decision the best thing you can do is
The right thing,
The next best thing is the wrong thing, and
The worst thing you can do is nothing.
(Me: Absolute baloney! If you knew wot’s the right thing in the first instance, why should you even attempt the wrong one?).
“Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew upâ€
(Me: How many grow up really?).
Line Maro
Remember me? Oh, that’s right, I’ve only met you in my dreams.
(Me: she doesn’t remember coz she can’t get enough of dreaming abt he-man Salloo de n nyt)
For those who came in late, Line Maro (or maroing) â€" kinda pick-up line - is a local, Mumbai, slang for attempts by bachelor boys to sweep a sweet young thing off her feet.
CHEERS TO A NEW YEAR AND
ANOTHER CHANCE FOR US TO GET IT RIGHT
(Me: Yep, hope springs up eternally and without hope of a light at the end of a tunnel human beings would have called it quits long, long ago)
One day, a family of three tomatoes were walking downtown. Suddenly, the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashes her into a red paste and then says, “Ketchup!â€
Trivia
The word “biscuit†is derived from the Latin phrase ‘panem biscoctum’ which literally means bread twice baked. According to the OED, it was spelt “bisket†from the 16th to 18th century.
Man, 99, divorces wife after 77 years of marriage.
In Rome, a furious husband aged 99 is divorcing his wife of 77 years aftrer discovering she had an affair in the 1940s.
The father five saw red after finding dist-covered romantic letters from his wife to her lover. The husband felt betrayed and unable to carry on with the marriage. The couple tied the knot in Naples in 1934.
(Me: A prime example of man being an MCP: he can have any number of affairs overtly or covertly, but the wife has to be a Sati-Savitri (faithful to her husband) for life )
Needle therapy
A friend of mine went to a lecture on acupuncture. “The audience was so fascinated,†he told me afterwards, “that you could have hard a pin drop.â€
Paraprosdokians is defined as a figure of speech n which the second half of a phrase or sentence is surprising or unexpected.
“She looks as though she’s been poured into her clothes and forgot to say ‘when’†‘ PG Woodhouse’s description of a fat woman.
“He’s a modest man with much to be modest aboutâ€
“Our quarrels are a case of mind over matter â€" I don’t mind and he doesn’t matterâ€
“The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on my listâ€
“I used to be indecisive, now I am not so sureâ€
“Change is inevitable, except from a vending machineâ€
“I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming youâ€
“The evening news is where they begin with “Good Evening†and then proceed to tell you why it isn’tâ€
“Behind every successful man is a woman; behind the fall of a successful man is usually another womanâ€
And the last and the most fascinating one for TODAY
“Happy New year â€" and, remember, after today it won’t be new, it may not be happy but it will last a year!â€
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